Things I Learned From Dasha

Things I Learned From Dasha

I need to go to the temple regularly.

Fasting brings the spirit. I need the spirit.

Infertility sucks.

Great doctors give words of encouragement. Dr. Lamoreaux is a great doctor.

Heavenly Father will answer my prayers.

This is a probationary state and not a perfect sphere.

My friends help answer prayers.

Russia is a dangerous place.

The mafia is real. They are mean.

Russians are smart.

There are people all over the world who want to help others and give good lives to children.

We live in a world of bribes and deceipt. We have to live in it but not be of it.

We can't save every child. Some will be left behind. They are in God's tender care.

When a child hasn't had experience and has vision problems they walk off the edge of the bed and don't know there is an edge. You have to watch them closely and protect them from all harm.

When a child is abused they have a mixed up sense of what is reality.

We have to share their reality with ours. Find a middle ground.

Everyone has disabilities.

God heals us by magnifying the good in us.

He gave us the good in us.

When we see the good in others we forget our own weaknesses.

I have to let her walk off the bed. I can't protect her from all harm.

I have to let her go.

Mom's Purse

I was asked by some of you to write down my thoughts about mom's purse.
These are the thoughts I gave at her funeral on Sat. Sept. 5, 2009.

This is grandma Mary's purse. Do you recognize it? When I was a
little girl our family of 10 would file in from the back of the chapel to
one of the front row benches. As we all sat there, our mother's purse was
quickly placed under the bench. I laid on her lap while she pulled out a hanky
and folded it just so. When she unfolded the hanky it had two little
hanky babies in it and she rocked them back and forth.

As a teenager I rummaged through her purse to find the car keys.
She let me borrow the car so I could rush off to the busy things teen-
agers have to do.

Then when I was married and had children and my children have had
children that purse has sat in the corner of our hospital rooms. It also
sat in the corner of our living room while babies were bathed and nursed.

Sometimes grandma would forget her purse and I had to call her. I would tell
her that I would get it to her tomorrow.

Last week she lay taking her few last breaths. While I watched her
breathe, out of the corner of my eye, I saw her purse. I don't know
why it bothered me but all of a sudden I realized she wouldn't
be taking her purse with her into the next life. And it had her cell phone in it!
I felt frantic. How could she just go to sleep and leave her purse?

She left this life on Aug. 30, 2009 and instead of taking her
purse, I know she took with her the most important things.
She took a love of the Savior and faith in his name.
She took a life of devoted service that will be missed.

When I see her again neither of us will have our purses. I hope when
we meet again I can return to her the great legacy of faith and service she gave to me.

Christmas Lights

My mom always loved the lights and decorations at Christmas time. We lived down a long private lane so she couldn't ever put up any outdoor decorations that would be enjoyed by anyone but her family and the infrequent visitor. I remember driving around at the Christmas season and she would point out the lights and ooh and ahh.

My mom isn't around to enjoy the lights this year. She passed away in August. Just like they always do, the Christmas lights have been coming up all over despite the fact that she isn't here to see them.

I drove down the driveway to her condo the other day. The light posts were decorated like candy canes. There were lights on the bushes and around the big gate. As I noticed the decorations I started talking to my mom. I told her the Christmas decorations were coming up and that she would really miss them. Her condominium was always decorated for the season and it looked especially nice this season. I felt a little desperate, She wouldn't be able to ooh and ahh. She would miss all the season has to offer.

While I was telling my mom about the decorations she would miss, I felt a strange feeling. Actually, I guess I can describe it as I knew something new. I knew that the decorations where she is far outweigh any decorations we have here.

The realization that heaven is decorated and that she is enjoying it, helped me understand that she is in a better place. It really exists and it's lovely. I can hardly wait to see it.

Singing Mothers

In 2008 I sang in a Relief Society choir for general conference. When I got to the practice and sat down in the chapel I was overwhelmed by how many women were there and I felt like a tiny drop on a bucket.

The conductor of our choir told us what we looked like as we began to sing. She said we all looked like we were being punished. She reminded us of the wonderful lives we all live and that there isn't any one of us who has such a bad life they can't smile when they sing.

Every practice she had a few women get up and tell about their experience while they were singing. The women's experiences were spiritual and moving. The conductor didn't waste time.

The ladies had to run to the front and talk fast. We were expected to practice at home. When we came to the practice we were spiritually fed so we could feel the words and music and express it over the airways as we sang.

I had a bad attitude and I didn't realize it. As I sang, I was overcome with the desire to repent and be happy. Our conductor told us there was no room for criticism or complaining. We were expected to work hard, be obedient and smile. If we did that we were promised that someone, somewhere would be touched by the messages we were singing and be strengthened in their adversity.

Then she told us we were to dress like the Singing Mothers. My mom was in a choir called the Singing Mothers. They wore white shirts, black skirts and they had a small flower on their lapels. We were told about women all over the world who come to meetings where the only thing white they have is an old t-shirt turned inside out. It made me want to work hard, be obedient and smile.

I will never know if my obedience, hard work and smile affected anyone else's testimony of the Savior but I know it strengthened mine. Singing in that Relief Society choir taught me to repent. I learned not to complain or criticize. I'm not very good at it. But I keep trying. I gained a deeper understanding of the Atonement of Jesus Christ while I worked hard, was obedient and smiled.

I was scanning my mom's handwritten notebook into my computer for record keeping. She passed away two months ago. I am trying to gather pictures and notes together and make a history of her life.

It is so frustrating because my scanner will either pick up tiny parts of what is being scanned like someone's nose or lips or else it will scan the whole thing into a tiny corner of the scan. This makes it so I have to scan some things three or four times to get the right picture.

The picture shown here is what came up on the screen the first time I scanned this hanwritten page of her notebook. It was very large and seemed to speak straight to me. In my mother's handwriting it says that the Lord loves me.

I'm sure when my mom was alive she wrote these words in her little notebook to remind herself that the Lord loves her. She was probably reading her scriptures or listening to a general conference talk when she heard those words. She wrote them down and then she wrote it again on top of the first writing as if to tell herself again that she meant it.

When the words appeared so large on the screen they looked sort of ghostly. They caught my eye because the writing is dark and looks like it's been written several times. I couldn't ignore that maybe those words are for me. My mom wants me to know something. I imagine my mom has seen the Lord and now she is sure of his love. Now she wants me to be sure of it too. She left it here on earth for me to find. She wants me to know that He loves me. She wants me to be as sure as she is that I am loved by him.

I will scan the page again and it won't have the same effect. It will be a smaller picture of the whole notebook page. The little experience I had will go unnoticed if I don't write it here to remember. The Lord loves me.

Maybe someone else will find it and know He loves them too.

Yurt

Our family just went on a trip to the Lilly Lakes region of Utah to stay in a yurt.  This is an activity my husband enjoys doing with a few of our children.  He started doing it a few years ago.  I am usually able and willing to attend and participate in these outdoor activities.  The bad foot problems I've had lately have made it so I have not been able to enjoy the activities I have enjoyed in the past.

They usually cross-country ski in to the yurt. All of their gear and food are packed into a sled he pulls behind the skis.  Millcreek canyon has been their usual yurt destination.  This year it was very popular and they were unable to book that yurt.  So, we ended up going to the Bear River region.

It was fabulous!  My husband, Chuck rented a snowmobile so I could get to the yurt.  It is on the way to Mirror Lake in the Uintah mountains.  The weather was beautiful.  We had all of our children there except the Radmalls.  Great fun, great company, great hubby.